I really struggle with feeling alive.
I have my whole life.
Lately, my dreams feel more real than real
more vivid and lucid than waking states.
There are days that I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.
I am hoping death is like that.
I am tired of being told this is valid because it really is not.
It really is not.

It only makes me feel more engulfed away from the world.
And then, there are these impulses to self-harm and push it all over the edge,
it is as if I were trying to recreate some semblance of feeling alive,
feeling something at all.
I am already living way longer than I anticipated myself to be able to make it.
And while that is seemingly moving along,
it just feels like prolongation.

I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground

what time is it?
what day is it?
how long has it been since we hugged?
i don't rly know
i don't rly know how to get thru this without u
i can't
without u
i can't do this alone

i need u
like the birds
need the sky
to fly high
without u i cry
without u i die

i'd die

i will walk up to ur window
my friend
til the end

is it time?
my dear friend,
will u walk by my window?

I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground