1. |
||||
Caught up by viruses that say it is too late,
corrupt my very ways to try to get by.
My mental health is crashing down, the hours
of endless spiralling, my soul devoured
Caught up by viruses that say it is too late,
corrupt my very ways to try to get by.
My mental health is crashing down, the hours
of endless spiralling, my soul devoured
I asked if you were fine?
You know, after loss after loss,
the everyday is not what it was once,
your every move is stunned the world’s glance
skimming down your neck, perverted breath
of illness creeping in, our loneliness,
the separatedness, abysmal hell,
the void of infinite sadness.
Will I ever see you again?
I gotta survive for now,
with everything long gone, all abrupt and misconstrued
favouring a haunting plague, detriment that is absurd
You are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my mind,
you are in my…
Caught up by viruses that say it is too late,
corrupt my very ways to try to get by.
My mental health is crashing down, the hours
of endless spiralling, my soul devoured
Caught up by viruses that say it is too late,
corrupt my very ways to try to get by.
My mental health is crashing down, the hours
of endless spiralling, my soul devoured
Caught up by viruses that say it is too late,
corrupt my very ways to try to get by.
My mental health is crashing down, the hours
of endless spiralling, my soul devoured
|
||||
2. |
||||
I am bad bitch,
baby, you can’t catch me
Think I am going to compromise
everything I really am?
You are material,
biological
All you need to understand is that,
bitch, I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
All you need to understand is that,
bitch, I’m ethereal
Ya, I am trans, cis,
kiss the ring of royalty
you are embarrassing me
in my limousine.
J.K. Rowling crap,
Gender critical
All you need to understand is that,
bitch, I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
All you need to understand is that,
bitch, I’m ethereal
My parents at age 23
Decided to get married and then they had me,
Where am I at age 23,
Put on the maid catgirl outfit,
Bend over your knees
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
All you need to understand is that,
bitch, I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
All you need to understand is that,
bitch, I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
I’m ethereal
All you need to understand is that,
bitch, I’m ethereal
|
||||
3. |
Spit, Blasphemy, Disdain
02:43
|
|||
I know the way you have been looking at me for half a year, I stand for your failures and discontents,
the restlessness that impelled you to drop colds calls,
cold texts luring me into reaction, baiting me because you did not know how to get me, I stood my ground,
and then you turned to anxious rages, impulsive tendencies, harassment and stalking for half a year.
And here is the thing, you can’t fuck with me the way you have,
because I know I am bad bitch, but the question really is do you?
You are breathing down my neck,
I’ve lost every ounce of respect
that I’ve used to have for you
and everything you do,
all it took was half a year of disrespect
spit, blasphemy, disdain
for the good in front of you.
Don’t confuse your whiteness for merit, we get it.
You know nothing sacred, your friendships are enemies.
The disposability of an obscene demand;
and you thought that things were bad.
You are one to go on to chastise,
you are so holy, so divine,
bro, can’t you quit it with your eyes,
voyeurism in disguise.
At a point it started to upset me,
all these boundaries lines in the sand with you
disregarding all I asked
abhoration of a foreign tie.
You are breathing down my neck,
I’ve lost every ounce of respect
that I’ve used to have for you
and everything you do,
all it took was half a year of disrespect
spit, blasphemy, disdain
(you don’t need my love)
You are breathing down my neck,
I’ve lost every ounce of respect
that I’ve used to have for you
and everything you do,
all it took was half a year of disrespect
spit, blasphemy, disdain
|
||||
4. |
Entre Pieles
05:09
|
|||
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
escogi, escogi yo
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
escogi, escogi yo
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
escogi, escogi yo
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
escogi, escogi yo
Cada vez sieno obseno,
atravez de tu mirada,
la demanda que me alcanza
cada vez que yo intento
sentir lo que es mi cuerpo
entre pieles hay el cuero
de una muerte, es cierto
de un entero momento
Cada vez sieno obseno,
atravez de tu mirada,
la demanda que me alcanza
cada vez que yo intento
sentir lo que es mi cuerpo
entre pieles hay el cuero
de una muerte, es cierto
de un entero momento
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
escogi, escogi yo
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
Entre los dos,
escogi, escogi yo
Cada vez sieno obseno,
atravez de tu mirada,
la demanda que me alcanza
cada vez que yo intento
sentir lo que es mi cuerpo
entre pieles hay el cuero
de una muerte, es cierto
de un entero momento
Cada vez sieno obseno,
atravez de tu mirada,
la demanda que me alcanza
cada vez que yo intento
sentir lo que es mi cuerpo
entre pieles hay el cuero
de una muerte, es cierto
de un entero momento
Ya no
me mantendraz
en la misericordia
en infierno ademas
de una forma
me mantendraz
en la misericordia
en infierno ademas
de una forma
Ya no
me mantendraz
en la misericordia
en infierno ademas
de una forma
me mantendraz
en la misericordia
en infierno ademas
de una forma
|
||||
5. |
||||
54 letters is all it should take to
make up your mind,
make up your mind,
And I know the way that you think,
these social justice warriors are threating your speech,
your freedom to screech,
but honey, these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
54 letters, Freudian slips
54 letters, Freudian slips
54 letters, Freudian slips
54 letters, Freudian slips
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
these are, these are, these are, these are, these are Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
Freudian slips.
|
||||
6. |
HARD
02:42
|
|||
I want to dance undisturbed in my bedroom,
not bros around, not a club, not a venue,
feeling my bod like it’s been just the first time
my estradiol kicking in with a vengeance
I want to dance undisturbed in my bedroom,
not bros around, not a club, not a venue,
feeling my bod like it’s been just the first time
my estradiol kicking in with a vengeance
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
I want to dance undisturbed in my bedroom,
not bros around, not a club, not a venue,
feeling my bod like it’s been just the first time
my estradiol kicking in with a vengeance
I want to dance undisturbed in my bedroom,
not bros around, not a club, not a venue,
feeling my bod like it’s been just the first time
my estradiol kicking in with a vengeance
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
Light in my eyes
|
||||
7. |
Intermission
01:30
|
|||
8. |
||||
I really struggle with feeling alive.
I have my whole life.
Lately, my dreams feel more real than real
more vivid and lucid than waking states.
There are days that I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.
I am hoping death is like that.
I am tired of being told this is valid because it really is not.
It really is not.
It only makes me feel more engulfed away from the world.
And then, there are these impulses to self-harm and push it all over the edge,
it is as if I were trying to recreate some semblance of feeling alive,
feeling something at all.
I am already living way longer than I anticipated myself to be able to make it.
And while that is seemingly moving along,
it just feels like prolongation.
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
what time is it?
what day is it?
how long has it been since we hugged?
i don't rly know
i don't rly know how to get thru this without u
i can't
without u
i can't do this alone
i need u
like the birds
need the sky
to fly high
without u i cry
without u i die
i'd die
i will walk up to ur window
my friend
til the end
is it time?
my dear friend,
will u walk by my window?
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
I will walk up to your window,
right when you are down,
feeling off of the ground
|
||||
9. |
||||
Everyday is the same, it don’t faze me,
I don’t want to have to pretend like
all this time it is literally fine,
because I am starting to realize
that this misery and death is careless enough.
And how is it not?
Every time we let it slide, rot, and die,
how is it not?
Every time that the systematic woes corrupt our very soul,
How is it not?
When anything is hardly getting by,
How is it not?
When to be alive you have to pay a certain price,
How is it not? Not!
How is it not? Not!
How is it not? Not!
How is it not?
I don’t mean to upset you,
I am just caught in a reaction,
all this trauma jumps in action
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I can’t stand inactive,
all these hours are reminders
of lost time and futures past
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I don’t mean to upset you,
I am just caught in a reaction,
all this trauma jumps in action
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I can’t stand inactive,
all these hours are reminders
of lost time and futures past
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
The world’s starting to withdraw,
isolated distance gaps,
and I don’t even know if we’ll survive, and
all we’ve lost and said goodbye
I can’t bare to miss you, man, no
I can’t bare to miss you, man
Cuz all we’ve done isn’t enough,
a time too soon before its queue
and useless passion fueling my truth,
all of this non-sense destroying you
All of this nonsense destroying you
Where do I go, to find the truth?
I just leave my body
Leave my body for a little while
Then I don't gotta think about you
Living off borrowed time the clock ticks faster
That’s that shit that Doom said yeah he’s one of the masters
What happens when all my heroes die?
Will I even wanna do this music shit anymore?
Cause their stories are my motivation
And without any hunger, I’m basically just sitting waiting
Kicking the rocks wasting time
When really I could be one of the greatest of all time
And I just manifest that
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
I don’t mean to upset you,
I am just caught in a reaction,
all this trauma jumps in action
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I can’t stand inactive,
all these hours are reminders
of lost time and futures past
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I don’t mean to upset you,
I am just caught in a reaction,
all this trauma jumps in action
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I can’t stand inactive,
all these hours are reminders
of lost time and futures past
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I don’t mean to upset you,
I am just caught in a reaction,
all this trauma jumps in action
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
I can’t stand inactive,
all these hours are reminders
of lost time and futures past
I can’t open my eyes, open my eyes, open my
Open my eyes, open my eyes, open my… open my eyes, open my eyes, open my… open my eyes.
|
||||
10. |
Lullabies
03:51
|
|||
I will sing
lullabies
to hold you
by my side
and I do realize
that this will leave a mark
on the way we live our lives
and everything we are
there is no going back
Last year’s mental breakdown is always in my mind,
my insecurity has me always paralyzed
looped in ideations of my suicide,
oh my oh my.
My therapist have told me that I hate myself
for things I can’t remember or aren’t making sense,
the systematic bureaucratic endlessness
shedding of my vocal corpse as…
I will sing
lullabies
to hold you
by my side
and I do realize
that this will leave a mark
on the way we live our lives
and everything we are
there is no going back
The insurmountable world above,
I don’t want to let you down.
And we can’t hide behind
all these numbers and graphs,
at a point, they abstract senseless
laissez-faire affairs
political closed-hands
and all that I have left is
I will sing
lullabies
to hold you
by my side
and I do realize
that this will leave a mark
on the way we live our lives
and everything we are
there is no going back
|
||||
11. |
Sigma Male
02:15
|
|||
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Oh boy, i get you,
I really get you.
Oh boy, i get you,
I really get you.
Megaman X, battling with the mavericks,
Sigma in command,
but it isn’t like that,
you aren’t moving around
yet getting all the bank
You aren’t Alpha,
you are effortless,
you put none of yourself away,
you are sneaking your enemies
worst nightmare past their impenetrable guard
Brain Force, Soyboys,
Alex Jones, you guys got some Testosterone, bro?
Making freaking frogs gay
Chewing on that redpill, blurring fact and fiction,
dad asks, r u winning son?
And I don’t know if I am a son.
Maybe I understand that I am not like that,
that I am not like that,
that I am not like that.
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Sigma Male,
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Teach me how you’ll be my man
Teach me how you’ll be my man
|
||||
12. |
||||
I dance with the lights out, baby,
that way no one can ever see you,
party by the light of night, silly,
my way, my party all night
gotta let it all out somehow, now
going really hard at the dance floor, damn,
didn’t even realize
all the times we could have had.
No floor, no walls, no ceiling
this is my whole world I'm reeling now
sweating out the energy
of a whole year sharpened inside of me
no volume, no bodies
but I get more bruised than I ever did
nothing to soften the blows
when you exercise demons alone
And I will light a candle
ask for, my own hand
it's a way of checking in
that my body wants to be
thrown around
be
thrown around
I dance with the lights out, baby,
that way no one can ever see you,
party by the light of night, silly,
my way, my party all night
gotta let it all out somehow, now
going really hard at the dance floor, damn,
didn’t even realize
all the times we could have had.
I dance with the lights out, baby,
that way no one can ever see you,
party by the light of night, silly,
my way, my party all night
gotta let it all out somehow, now
going really hard at the dance floor, damn,
didn’t even realize
all the times we could have had.
|
||||
13. |
5 a.m.
02:38
|
|||
I woke up at 5 am,
it isn’t the same when I lose sleep to
pointless things
like my fear to tell you how I feel
when the answer is always “love” and I can’t wrestle away
The distance feels like endless hours,
the way my insight feels lost in the darkness,
it’s not the same, it’s not the same,
it’s not the same, it’s not the same.
I woke up at 5 am,
it isn’t the same when I lose sleep to
pointless things
like my fear to tell you how I feel
when the answer is always “love” and I can’t wrestle away
The distance feels like endless hours,
the way my insight feels lost in the darkness,
it’s not the same, it’s not the same,
it’s not the same, it’s not the same.
I will miss hanging out with you,
even when the world won’t let me,
I don’t ever feel at rest
sitting by my lonesome awful mess
I will miss hanging out with you,
even when the world won’t let me,
I don’t ever feel at rest
sitting by my lonesome awful mess
I will miss hanging out with you,
even when the world won’t let me,
I don’t ever feel at rest
sitting by my lonesome awful mess
I will miss hanging out with you,
even when the world won’t let me,
I don’t ever feel at rest
sitting by my lonesome awful mess
|
||||
14. |
Episodes (Rough Mix)
02:12
|
|||
I am scared that I might gonna lose it all,
Couldn’t talk to you, couldn’t face the world, couldn’t bare enough, I
am broken down and weary,
I am exhausted, I feel emptyness,
I am not present, I am ghost of all my woes,
I am a figment of a psyche, I am stuck on all these moments,
I see nowhere, I see nevermore and less
I don’t know if I am enough
in this senseless everyday,
repetition of my very own death.
All these voices in my head,
I am collapsing by the bathroom mirror
fragmenting every sense of my self,
And I realize
I could have seen me
the way I am
in all its rawness, and this
Restlessness in everything,
the death instinct pulling strings,
the mechanistic tendency of self-defeat;
and I don’t know what it could be,
the thing ahead of every intention,
perversions of a will to live.
And I don’t know,
I don’t know,
and I don’t know,
I don’t know.
|
||||
15. |
||||
You have really fucked me up,
don’t pretend like you mean shit
Every time you speak out loud,
all I hear is a bunch of blah blah blah
and the scene that you make about
all these tears and these broken lives
behind a sense of pompous properness,
it’s fucked up
I am so tired, this is fucked up.
I am so tired, this is fucked up.
You have really fucked me up,
don’t pretend like you mean shit
Every time you speak out loud,
all I hear is a bunch of blah blah blah
and the scene that you make about
all these tears and these broken lives
behind a sense of pompous properness,
it’s fucked up
Maybe I just wanna know
every time you made me do,
every time you made me do that.
Maybe I just wanna know
every time you made me do,
every time you made me do that.
Maybe I just wanna know
every time you made me do,
every time you made me do that.
Maybe I just wanna know
every time you made me do,
every time you made me do that.
You have really fucked me up,
don’t pretend like you mean shit
Every time you speak out loud,
all I hear is a bunch of blah blah blah
and the scene that you make about
all these tears and these broken lives
behind a sense of pompous properness,
it’s fucked up
|
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